At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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