3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
