I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
