He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
