Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
