I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
