hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
whose parrot is this?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
