well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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