The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
