just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
