Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
