Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I will pee on everything he values.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
