i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
