I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
