I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
