He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How external is "for external use only"?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
