dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
