so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
