you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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