So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
