I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize