dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
