Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
