And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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