my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
