You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
