Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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