the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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