when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize