now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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