Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
