do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
