How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
