Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
