Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize