Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
