My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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