non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
