i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
