Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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