My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
