I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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