this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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