So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
