I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
