Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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