what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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