He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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