I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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