dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
