Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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