Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
