first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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