Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
