I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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