Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
