wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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