Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
