between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
