you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
