I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
