Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
