You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
