grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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