Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
