We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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