so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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