Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
