i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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