IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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