How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
