O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
