you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
