just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And then my night got REAL pukey
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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