textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every concussion has its silver lining
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize