It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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