last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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