if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
