What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
