i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
