I accidentally had phone sex last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
