im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
did i just pee glitter
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize