She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
