Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
