last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
