You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
