But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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