I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
