He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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