Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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