Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
