i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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