She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
