Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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