I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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