He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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