I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
