my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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